How is a Submissive Like a Shoe?

No, no. This isn’t one of those “How is a raven like a writing desk?” jokes… But how in the world is a submissive person like a shoe? I’m getting to that.

Disclaimer: My thoughts are my thoughts… you may not agree with them and I in no way want to tell you how you should do things.

One of the things I’ve been doing lately for E, when I get the chance, is caring for his shoes. Cleaning them, polishing them, etc. I don’t get the opportunity often, because I don’t get much time with him, but I’ve been thinking about it and about how I feel while I’m doing it. It’s a bit like the mirrors I mentioned in a previous post. I want to do my best because it’s for him, but also, it’s a bit more…

His shoes are something he uses every day, pretty much all day to protect his feet. With 26 bones, 33 joints, 107 ligaments, 19 muscles and tendons in each foot, the 52 bones in both feet make up about 25% of all the bones in the body and, though the foot has evolved over time, stepping on sharp rocks, broken glass, and stubbing the toes are still pretty unavoidable risks without shoes. The right shoe can prevent or alleviate foot, ankle, knee, hip, and back pains, while the wrong choice can worsen or cause similar pains. Bad or worn out shoes can even cause misalignment in the spine and lead to problems throughout the entire body.  A shoe isn’t just a mirror he glances into on his way by; it’s something that, in its way, defends him.

Are you beginning to see the similarities now? The right submissive can prevent or alleviate pains (troubles, stressors, drama, etc.) and the wrong one can cause or worsen it! Being the right submissive (at least we both feel so at the moment), I should seek to relieve his stresses, soothe him or avoid them altogether. I mention that bad or worn out shoes can even cause misalignment of the spine and lead to problems throughout the body; this is also true of submissive persons. I may not call the shots, but the attitude of my service and the efficiency in which I complete my tasks can very well make or break the entire order of things. Now, I’m not talking about a person that submits for kicks and giggles (though I do that, too sometimes), but a person that lives this way, that feels submission in their core, whether naturally or as a calling. But I, in my way, should defend him as I can by making his life as stress free and well ordered as possible. He, in turn, relieves my stress by taking the weight of decision from me in most cases… among other things. ;)

Shoes also play a factor in the image a person presents. Whether in a corporate, casual, kinky or other setting, the way we look is often the first impression we make. While, shoes may seem a minor part of that image, they have more of an influence than one might think. An unwise choice can make an expensive outfit look cheap and stylish outfit look, well, absurd. And then they make us look, well, cheap or absurd. If the shoes are unkempt, it indicates a lack of care, a rough life, and if they’re not designed for the rough, then that judgment is also a judgment of us. No matter what’s on the inside. We should not be deceived by shoes, just as we shouldn’t be fooled by clothes, but we often are.

In caring for E’s shoes, I care for the image he presents to the world. Those shoes say a lot about this man I love… They’ve obviously been walked in. They’re creased and have a few scuffs and you can tell they’ve been worn and worn often. To me this says “He does.” He does a lot of things and I struggle often to keep up and work my way into his busy life when I can. Even when he’s not going and doing, his mind is still working on something for when he is going and doing. Despite being worn in, the shoes are clean and have a good sheen. They’re well cared for, even when I can’t care for them. And he cares about what he does too. No matter what it is, he puts care and focus into what he’s doing. 

I’ve noticed when this starts slipping, so do the shoes. When he gets caught up in something or another and stops putting that care and focus into his actions, the shoes might stay dusty and unpolished for a while. Now, this may be just my perception due to difficulties we’ve had lately, but it seems to be the case.

My image reflects on him as well. I am his. It is known that I am his. My grooming, my actions, my manners, my habits, my dress and all the things that make up how others view me, these things affect how others view him too.

Shoes can also be confidence boosters. I know how I feel in a favorite pair of heels. Teens whine and beg for the latest pop star’s or sports star’s brand because imitating their favorite star makes them feel “cool” (Do they still use that term?). It’s a brain thing. It just makes you feel good to wear great shoes. Call it a morale booster, a matter of pride, whatever.  Why do you think we pay so much for designer shoes? (ok.. I don’t, but some people do…) I want my Sir to feel good about himself when he’s wearing those shoes. I want my Sir to feel good about himself when he’s wearing me too… hahaha but you get the point.

So yes, in a way, I’m like these shoes. It makes sense for me to care for them, just as I care for myself. Well and with him in mind. 

Exploring My Submission: Journaling Exercises #7, #8 and #9

Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

Absolutely. I feel that I need the discipline and/or punishments because it keeps my mindset in place, and because I have such issues with my self control that such consequences make me better behaved. Without it, I tend to return to a self focus and that is something I do not like. I am immensely happier when focused on serving and not on what I want because listening to what I want most of the time would have unpleasant results on my attitude, my relationships, my weight, my health and my appearance. 

If I go by what I want, I may want to sit on the couch and chow down on an entire pack of Oreos instead of doing laundry, knowing that it’s not good for me... wait... I have done that… If I didn’t have the punishment, my self-discipline would disappear pretty quickly and I’d most likely just do what I wanted, even knowing that it’s not good for me. Because I know that doing so would get me in trouble with E, it is immensely easier for me to resist that temptation. I need the accountability because, alone, I can talk myself into or out of damn near anything whether it’s helpful or harmful.

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

Yes. I may consider myself masochistic, but with the attitude of displeasure and intent of punishment behind pain, it can cause even something I enjoy to bring repentant tears.

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Definitely. I need structure and rules and limits are there for safety. I need to know what’s expected of me and what I can expect from my Dominant. If I don’t, I don’t feel comfortable at all. Structure is something I’ve always sought, I think. I am, by nature a rather chaotic individual and I recognize my need for regularity and routine as well as known consequences and results for expected actions…. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

I need the reassurance of the “If/then” statements and feel  much more secure when I am aware of my fence. I may bump against it from time to time, I may even shove at it, jump it, or attempt to rip it to shreds, but I need it and I prefer for it to bump me rather than for me to bump it. I need to know how much is too much and I don’t want to have to be or do too much in order for me to find out.

I need rules (shh don’t tell the adolescent me…) because without them, I feel lost. They’re the links in the chain connecting me to my Anchor and without them, I’d be totally adrift, just floating there, waiting for the waves of change that life tosses my way to overwhelm me and leave me directionless and wandering.

Exploring My Submission: Journaling Exercise #6

What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

All of the above. There are roots in many places. Part of my submission branches from how I was raised, the way that I was taught to think of myself and of others, the social skills I developed, and expectations that I was brought up learning. Part of it, I feel, is simply natural; it is a basic urge for me as well as a taught one.

E and I do make use of a domestic discipline to a degree, though not in a traditional sense, I don't think. He does use specific 'exercises' to encourage my submission and enforce the rules we have agreed on. My submission to him is a large part of our relationship, I find joy in it and it is the major way I express my love for him. I have problems making decisions so giving him that control is a great stress reliever too. In its way, my submission is also a "sexual thrill". His sexual control over me arouses me like little else.

My submission also has roots in my spiritual beliefs. As a Christian, I am encouraged to "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21 NIV)  and yes, that's an attitude of submission, of respect, of putting the other person before oneself, of giving and expecting nothing, not even acknowledgment, in return.  The Geneva Study Bible says this of this particular verse, " ..the end to which all things ought to be referred, to serve one another for God's sake." That, I feel, sums it up rather nicely.

All these things work together to create the totality of my submission; the different aspects and the varied ways I display it reflect each of them. My submission in Christ was less before I grew in my other submissive origins. My submission to E is better because of my submission in Christ. I am a better daughter and person for embracing both and acknowledging that I need the guidance that being my submissive self provides. One might say my submission has a well developed root system... ;)

Exploring My Submission: Journaling Exercise #4 & #5

Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

Being a mom of two kids is more than enough to squelch any dominant urges I might have. Sexual dominance has never appealed to me much. I've tried it, topped a couple of times, just to see if I'd like it, and I really don't like the person I was when I was in that headspace. I was a total bitch and I don't like that word at all or what I was. It wasn't me.

There will always be things that I 'maintain control over' to some degree. My contact with my family, my children, and such. There will be times when I have to be the one that's in control of the situation, as much as I dislike it. That's just my life. I can't live in a bubble.

I don't at all consider myself a switch, I am capable, but it's not healthy and not desired.

Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

I have been in what was, on the surface a Dominant/submissive dynamic relationship before, but it was not nearly to the depth of what I am in currently. I consider that more training as I learned a lot about myself while I was there, and about BDSM as well. I've had play partners along the way that have helped me because of my friendships with them and my relationships with them as well had a vague aspect of D/s. All relationships do to some degree, but I was made aware of it. It made me think, made me consider my behavior more because of my relationship with them. I attempt to keep that perspective with all my relationships now. To know where I stand and act accordingly.

My first D/s romantic relationship was turbulent and foolish. I felt I was being forced into a mold made for someone else... and I still wanted it because I wanted to please the dominant in the relationship. None of us knew what we were really doing, what we really wanted or what we could really offer, but it helped us all learn. There are still some unseen scars to fade from that for me, but with time, the scars either become a reminder of lessons learned or a beautiful symbol of my journey. Often both.

My current relationship is more... thought through. Not a mere impulse, I've carefully considered all that I've learned that I can offer and all that I now know that I need and have found that they match well with my Sir. I've never felt more free because I am not only accepted for who and what I am, but I am cherished. Exactly as I am. Will some changes be made? Well yeah. Life is change. I'm still learning, but I know more now than I did then. Enough to accept that I'll always be learning and to appreciate that fact.

Random common factor: both dominants I've had have both been HEAVY coffee drinkers....

The odd thing is that with both relationships neither were intentional... at least on my part. The relationship was purely platonic to start. Looking back, I feel that it might not have been completely so on the part of my first dominant, but that is past. I slid into lust and didn't restrict myself to keep my safety in mind. I gave too easily. With E, the relationship was also purely platonic in the beginning with the intent of friendship and rope practice, but there was little slide in this... it was more like being plunged beneath a waterfall. I wasn't even attracted to him at first, then when I saw him again, my body went haywire and I just had to catch up to it. I held back, because he had made it clear that he wasn't interested in anything more than a friend and a practice rope bunny, but apparently he fell too.. (I'd like to hear/read his side of this...) because the next thing I know he's telling me that he wants me for more than just a bit of rope and play. The thrill that ran through me when I read his message, "I want a some sort of a claim on you" is a memory I cherish. Talk about a SQUEEEE! moment...

Exploring My Submission: Journaling Exercise #2 & #3

Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

Submission is a way of life for me... to a degree. It is a thing both internal and external, of nature and nurture, automatic and sought. An attitude of submission is not the same as submitting to every person I come in contact with, however. To me, it's taking another's needs and desires into consideration before my own.

I am also, submissive in my relationship with E. This submission is twined with my attitude of submission in daily life. It's pretty much every aspect of our relationship, even when in the vanilla realm. This just feels right and when I step outside of that submission to him, even when he's unaware of my attitude, it just doesn't ring true. He leads, I follow. I might bottom to a play partner, but that submission is not the same submission I give to E. 

How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?

I've always yielded easily (until recently). Someone said "do this", usually I did. It might have taken me an hour to do something that should have taken 10 minutes because I got distracted daydreaming or got too detail oriented, but I did it. It's gotten me in trouble, it's gotten me into more than trouble... but I have always had great difficulty saying "no". I've had to learn to, (I have kids... they learned it from somewhere..) but it can still be a hard thing for me to do. 

Persons, including my parents, have long encouraged me to take positions of leadership in groups; to be the person saying "do this" or "go there" and I've never felt comfortable in that role. I struggle with it even as a parent. 

I've forever had difficulty making decisions on my own. It takes me 20 minutes to figure out what I want to order off the menu at McDonald's and even then it's usually my 'standby'... heaven forbid they can't give me that, then I'm back to the drawing board! 

I've had to force myself into the capability to cope with this; to deal with making decisions on my own and dealing with the consequences, because I have little ones that depend on me. There is such joy and relief when I can relinquish that weight of decision and not have to make the choices. Or when I do have to make choices, to have a final approval to seek for them. Not to have to give over the reigns to my life, but rather have his hands over mine... if that makes sense to anyone but me. 

Expressing my submission gives me peace, it brings me joy, it focuses me, settles me.... centers me. I don't like who I am when I discard it... I've attempted it and met with... ugly results. I'ts a part of who I am, not just what I am. 

Exploring My Submission: Journaling Exercise #1

So In reading others’ blogs I’ve come across this 30 days of submission journaling exercise and I figured I’d give it a try, explore what my submission really is to me and let everyone else know while I’m at it. I doubt I’ll do this every day, but I’m starting it today. When I’ll do the next one, who knows?

I found this version of the aforementioned list here: http://www.submissiveguide.com/2012/03/how-to-use-the-30-days-memes-effectively-to-maximize-submissive-growth/

Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

Somewhat. All of those labels fit my submission and my relationship with E to some degree, at different moments, in various ways. I rarely say I am E’s submissive, but rather say, “I am submissive to E”. If you read my post about weakness, then you know I don’t feel comfortable calling any man Master, but I do exhibit some traits of a slave and I may reach a point where I go past “submissive to E” and into “slave to E”, but I don’t know, can’t tell and won’t strive for that. If it happens, it happens. Sometimes it’s just a scene or practice, and we’re Top and bottom (this is usually when the SAM gets me…). He is my Owner, and yes, I like that term; it’s what is used in our contract and I have a few pet-like characteristics. Sometimes there’s a glimpse of Daddy and little girl even with my stuffed monkey and my pouting. Overall, E guides me. He directs me. He challenges me. He leads me. He corrects me when I need it. He punishes me if necessary. I submit to him and to his authority and decision. That does not mean I blindly follow. I will and do question him, but I do just that, verbally and in depth should I have the need.

Sometimes we’re just E and Surri. Two people just being together. Through all of this I am his. I belong and I am kept. So, I’ll say I’m a submissive (a submissive what, though? lol). I suppose Dominant/submissive covers what we are well enough when describing it to strangers, but it in no way says all that we are, or all that my submission is. 


He's my Sir. I'm his girl. Any other label is partial. 

Made Perfect Through Weakness

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

 2 Corinthians 12:9

English Standard Version Anglicised (ESVUK)

This scripture was used in the sermon at my church on Sunday. I know I know. It's the BIBLE and I'm talking church and Sundays... But there's more to this than just the traditional yehyehing of a preacher. 

 I found it so strangely appropriate because I had just been focusing on grace and what that word meant to me and how I wanted to be a person full of grace (see previous post) in all its forms. The quote here "My grace is sufficient for you" doesn't just speak for the grace of God, though that definitely applies. As a submissive, this speaks to me of my Dominant as well. His grace, in all its forms, should be enough for me. Though God's grace is far beyond that of E's (sorry, Sir.. lol) I serve them both. 

I've said, since I returned to BDSM with an intent to keep my Christianity in tact, that I may submit to a man, but I will never call him Master, for I am slave only to Christ. I see Christianity through different eyes because of my submission just as I see everything else just a shade differently because of it (hence the name of my blog). 

The next portion of the quote "for my power is made perfect in weakness." Isn't is always? It may be more obvious to those of us in what are termed "power exchange" relationships, but if there was not weakness, what use would power be? Understanding that I, with all my failings, make evident the power of those I serve is an humbling thing. 

But the next sentence covers that "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power.... may rest upon me." In order to make that power more evident to others, I'll gladly display the weaknesses and vulnerabilities and flaws and imperfections that I have so that the authority of those I serve may be seen by those around me. That doesn't mean I won't keep working to correct them, but I'm not going to slather them over with a layer of concealer and hope no one sees.

To Be Full of Grace

“Grace isn't a little prayer you say before receiving a meal. It’s a way to live.” Wow. That really hit home. I saw this little quote in an image on the side of a blog I recently started reading and it’s been with me for days. I want this on a t-shirt, on a billboard… everywhere. And yet it’s so hard. It’s such a difficult thing to do everything with grace, in grace and through grace. And no, I don’t just mean gracefully with pretty flowing actions. 

So that got me thinking on the definition of grace... and now that I've looked it up for propriety's sake, I'll contemplate it for a while.... after sharing the definition.

grace

noun /grās/  graces, plural 1.      Simple elegance or refinement of movement §  - she moved through the water with effortless grace 2.      Courteous goodwill §  - at least he has the grace to admit his debt to her 3.      An attractively polite manner of behaving §  - she has all the social graces 4.      (in Christian belief) The free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessing  5.      A divinely given talent or blessing §  - the graces of the Holy Spirit 6.      The condition or fact of being favored by someone §  - he fell from grace because of drug use at the Olympics 7.      A period officially allowed for payment of a sum due or for compliance with a law or condition, esp. an extended period granted as a special favor §  - another three days' grace 8.      A short prayer of thanks said before or after a meal §  - before dinner the Reverend Newman said grace 9.      Used as forms of description or address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop §  - His Grace, the Duke of Atholl verb /grās/   graced, past participle; graced, past tense; graces, 3rd person singular present;gracing, present participle 10.  Do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence §  - she bowed out from the sport she has graced for two decades 11.  (of a person or thing) Be an attractive presence in or on; adorn §  - Ms. Pasco has graced the front pages of magazines like Elle and Vogue Synonyms  verb: adorn, decorate, ornament, embellish, deck, bedeck,beautify, honour, honor  noun: favour, favor, charm, elegance, mercy, gracefulness

Yes. All of that. (Thank you, Google.) That is what I strive to be: a person full of grace in all its forms. Sure, you may address me as “Her Grace” if you wish (really,  please don't)... It’s not at all appropriate or fitting for me.... Maybe I should start at the beginning... 

"Simple elegance or refinement of movement"

 This is a personal want more than anything. I've always felt clumsy, klutzy and such. I have scoliosis and one side of my body is lower than the other. I've always struggled not to limp, not to show that and let my shoulder sag, though I'm sure the difference is minor and not very noticeable to others. I've always admired a dancer's grace, but have never really been a dancer. I took ballet for a year, tap for a year, and have researched and played at other dances on my own, but I wouldn't call myself a dancer by a long shot. 

 "Courteous goodwill"

 If only we all could attempt every action with this. Courtesy, the showing of politeness in one's attitude and behavior toward others, seems to be an often forgotten thing in the modern world. And "Goodwill"? Isn't that a charity or something? Certainly not a friendly, helpful, or cooperative attitude. This one aspect of grace, I feel is a very important one for a submissive person. The attitude behind the actions can sometimes make all the difference.

"An attractively polite manner of behaving"

 Oooooh. But sometimes I just want to be rude! I speak before I think. I interrupt. I slouch; I slump. I'm loud. I state my opinion when it isn't requested. I give attitude to those to which I should give respect... notably E. I act in selfishness and petty anger. Yes, I'm human, but none of these things fall into the category of "attractively polite". 

"(in Christian belief) The free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessing"

 Yes. I'm a Christian. An odd breed of Christian to be sure, especially in the Bible Belt, but I'm not here to talk about that. If you want to ask me how I manage that, do so and I'll answer in another post. 

"A divinely given talent or blessing"

We all have our special gifts. Some of us have more than others. Some of us have more intense gifts than others. I feel I'm one of those that may have many 'gifts' but at a low intensity. Hah. I suppose a person's gift is really only truly evident to those that receive it. 

"The condition or fact of being favored by someone"

 I always want to be in my Sir's good graces.... but that's not going to happen. I want to be in everyone's good graces.. lol That's really not going to happen. But I seek this. Constantly. Consciously or subconsciously, I seek it. I have found myself seeking the favor of persons I don't even like... This can be a bad thing at times and I have to reign it in because I have to accept that I can't always make everyone happy, but I want to, and that attitude is one I don't want to lose. I don't want to become one of those people that doesn't care if the ones they are surrounded by are content or not.

"A period officially allowed for payment of a sum due or for compliance with a law or condition, esp. an extended period granted as a special favor"

 I know this one may not seem like it applies, but, in its way, it does. We all have these deadlines we set for ourselves and others. When to pay the bills, to get the laundry done, for so-and-so to pay back that debt, for your neighbor to return your weed eater that he borrowed... so on and so forth. I sometimes give myself too many grace periods, but I want to always allow others at least one period of grace and not jump straight to indignant anger. This can be oh so hard to do!!! It tells a lot about the person you're dealing with though. Too many and you can be taken advantage of, too few and you're unfriendly. Though I may really need that whateveritis back like yesterday... I'm going to try to give what'shername another chance to bring it to me tomorrow and have a good attitude about it while I'm at it. (Note to self: be more cautious about loaning what'shername your things...)

" A short prayer of thanks said before or after a meal"

 Yes, I pray too. But in this case, full of grace, to me would be to be full of thanks and to say that thanks, not just think it. 

"Used as forms of description or address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop"

 See above. These people were addressed this way for a reason: The height of society, they sometimes set bar the social graces....supposedly. 

"Do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence"

I shall grace you with my presence.. Hahahahahaha. ok maybe not, but I do wish to do honor and credit to others while I am with them, most importantly my Sir, who occasionally graces me with his presence... *snickers* 

"(of a person or thing) Be an attractive presence in or on; adorn"

I suppose for this one, I wish to grace my Sir. Yep. I want to be an attractive presence in AND on him. Hehe. In all seriousness, though. I do want to make him proud of me and, I suppose one could say, grace his feet, for sitting at his feet is where I am my happiest.

Aaaaaaaand I've rambled on waaaaaay too long for anyone that reads this, but maybe someone got something out of it other than me from writing it. 

 Until next time!

 ~E's Surri.

P.S.: The blog where I saw the image: http://the50sdish.blogspot.com/ . And it's a good read too!

A Little Remembering

In ten days my contract with E will be up.

We're working on developing a more customized version for a longer duration, but it's hard to believe that those 90 days have already gone. Time is such an odd thing. It seems like so little time has passed, but it doesn't feel like there was a time before this. And that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. 

But with that in mind, E asked me a while back to write a little recollection of the first time I called him "Sir". I figured I'd share it, since I'm feeling a little nostalgic right now. 

Hide and Seek

I remember the intake of breath as he pressed me down to the floor. I remember the way I dug my fingers into the carpet.  Do I remember what brought this on? Not really, that seems to be erased from my mind, but I remember the first strike, I think. It blurs after that.

It had been a long time since I’d been in such a position, months. And there were months then years before that time months ago. I wasn’t going to be easy this time. I had given in easily before and look where that got me. I may have to earn my place, but, dammit, he was going to have to find it first.

I wanted to say it. With each question he asked, I wanted to release that one little word, but I bit my lip instead. I “mmmmhmmm”ed and “uh huh”ed and nodded and he even drug out a few sharp yesses with inquiries on my content and my enjoyment while he left pretty marks on my ass from I wasn’t sure what at the time. There was some spanking involved and I squirmed my way across the floor as is my habit. I think he made me crawl at one point. But there was that crystal moment that remains so clear in my mind. I don’t recall what question he asked. I don’t remember why, but I’m thinking he’d caught on to my game. I found myself with his hand in my hair and his face near mine after one of those truncated yesses and a sharp strike to my bottom, edging toward my thighs.

“What?” he asked.  He had been talking to me the entire time, some of it I actually heard, other was just his voice running a background for my responses to each impact.

“Yes,” I replied a bit louder and with a little more bite in my voice. Repeat of the blow in almost the exact same spot. He just looked at me and waited. Another. I don’t remember if he said anything at all that time, but he found where I had hidden it.

“Yessir.” And it got the best response I could have hoped for in his “Mmmm. Good girl… Very good girl.”

I have no idea what happened after that. The bubble of this memory pops here, but he found where I’d hidden the “Sir” and he’s not likely to let me forget it. Not that I’d ever want him to.