4.11.2012

A Bit More About Me...Okay.. A LOT More.

Jung Test Results
Introverted (I) 54.05% Extroverted (E) 45.95%
Intuitive (N) 62.86% Sensing (S) 37.14%
Feeling (F) 69.44% Thinking (T) 30.56%
Perceiving (P) 58.33% Judging (J) 41.67%

Your type is: INFP

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.




Enneagram Test Results

The Enneagram is a personality system which divides the entire human personality into nine behavioral tendencies, this is your score on each...


Type 1   Perfectionism||||||||||40%
Type 2Helpfulness||||||||||||||||||80%
Type 3Image Awareness||||||||||||||||63%
Type 4Individuality||||||||||||||||63%
Type 5Rationality||||||||||40%
Type 6Anxiety||||||||||40%
Type 7Adventurousness||||||||||||||||66%
Type 8Aggressiveness||||||||||36%
Type 9Calmness||||||||||||||||70%


typescoretype behavior motivation
224 I must be helpful and caring to be happy.
921 I must maintian a peaceful and easygoing environment to be happy.
720 I must be fun and entertained to be happy.
319 I must be impressive and attractive to be happy.
419 I must be unique/different to be happy.





You scored as Type 2
Your variant is sexual

Yes. My enneagram test just told me that I'm a submissive slut.. lmao




Cattell 16 Factor Test Results


Warmth|||||||||||||||||||||70%
Intellect|||||||||||||||||||||66%
Emotional Stability||||||||||||||||||||||||||||82%
Aggressiveness||||||14%
Liveliness|||||||||||||||50%
Dutifulness|||||||||||||||||||||70%
Social Assertiveness|||||||||||||||46%
Sensitivity|||||||||||||||42%
Paranoia|||||||||30%
Abstractness||||||||||||||||||||||||||||86%
Introversion||||||||||||38%
Anxiety||||||||||||||||||58%
Openmindedness|||||||||||||||||||||66%
Independence|||||||||||||||||||||66%
Perfectionism||||||||||||||||||54%
Tension|||||||||||||||42%

Cattell's 16 Factor Key
Factorlow scorehigh score
Warmthcold, selfishsupportive, comforting
Intellectinstinctive, unstablecerebral, analytical
Emotional Stabilityirritable, moodylevel headed, calm
Aggressivenessmodest, docilecontrolling, tough
Livelinesssomber, restrainedwild, fun loving
Dutifulnessuntraditional, rebelliousconforming, traditional
Social Assertivenessshy, withdrawnuninhibited, bold
Sensitivitycoarse, toughtouchy, soft
Paranoiatrusting, easy goingwary, suspicious
Abstractnesspractical, regularstrange, imaginative
Introversionopen, friendlyprivate, quiet
Anxietyconfident, self assuredfearful, self-doubting
Openmindednesscloseminded, set-in-wayscurious, exploratory
Independenceoutgoing, socialloner, craves solitude
Perfectionismdisorganized, messyorderly, thorough
Tensionrelaxed, coolstressed, unsatisfied


Big 45 Test Results

Gregariousness|||||||||||||||42%
Sociability|||||||||||||||||||||66%
Assertiveness|||||||||||||||46%
Poise|||||||||||||||||||||66%
Leadership|||||||||||||||50%
Provocativeness|||||||||||||||50%
Self-Disclosure|||||||||||||||||||||62%
Talkativeness|||||||||30%
Group Attachment|||||||||||||||42%
Extroversion|||||||||||||||50%
Understanding||||||||||||||||||||||||||||82%
Warmth||||||||||||||||||||||||74%
Morality|||||||||||||||||||||66%
Pleasantness|||||||||||||||||||||66%
Empathy||||||||||||||||||||||||78%
Cooperation||||||||||||||||||||||||78%
Sympathy||||||||||||||||||||||||74%
Tenderness|||||||||||||||||||||70%
Nurturance||||||||||||||||||||||||||||86%
Accommodation||||||||||||||||||||||||74%
Conscientiousness|||||||||||||||46%
Efficiency|||||||||||||||42%
Dutifulness|||||||||||||||||||||70%
Purposefulness||||||||||||34%
Organization|||||||||||||||||||||70%
Cautiousness|||||||||26%
Rationality|||||||||||||||42%
Perfectionism||||||||||||38%
Planning|||||||||||||||50%
Orderliness|||||||||||||||46%
Stability|||||||||||||||||||||66%
Happiness|||||||||||||||||||||66%
Calmness||||||||||||||||||||||||78%
Moderation|||||||||||||||50%
Toughness||||||||||||||||||||||||74%
Impulse Control||||||||||||||||||54%
Imperturbability|||||||||||||||42%
Cool-headedness||||||||||||||||||54%
Tranquility||||||||||||34%
Emotional Stability||||||||||||||||||57%
Intellect||||||||||||||||||||||||78%
Ingenuity||||||||||||||||||58%
Reflection||||||||||||||||||||||||||||86%
Competence||||||||||||||||||58%
Quickness|||||||||||||||||||||70%
Introspection|||||||||||||||||||||70%
Creativity|||||||||||||||||||||62%
Imagination||||||||||||||||||||||||||||82%
Depth||||||||||||||||||||||||74%
Openmindedness|||||||||||||||||||||70%




Big 45 Key
Factorlow scorehigh score
Gregariousness42%quiet, reclusiveengaging, socially bold
Sociability66%withdrawn, hiddenwarm, open, inviting
Assertiveness46%timid, gunshycontrolling, aggressive
Poise66%uneasy around otherssocially comfortable
Leadership50%stays in backgroundprefers to lead
Provocativeness50%modest, plays it safebold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure62%private, containedvery open and revealing
Talkativeness30%quiet, stealthy, invisiblemotor mouth, loud
Group Attachment42%loves solitudeprefers to be with others
Understanding82%insensitive, schizoidrespectful, sympathetic
Warmth74%disinterested in otherssupportive, helpful
Morality66%break/ignore the rulesplay by the rules
Pleasantness66%aloof or disagreeablegets along with others
Empathy78%out of tune w/ othersin tune with others
Cooperation78%competitive, warlikeagreeable, peaceful
Sympathy74%socially inconsideratesocially conscious
Tenderness70%cold hearted, selfishwarm hearted, selfless
Nurturance86%self pleasing, me firstpeople pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness46%reckless, unscheduledcareful, planner
Efficiency42%unreliable, lazyfinisher, follows through
Dutifulness70%leisurely, derelictstrict, rule abiding
Purposefulness34%inattentive, undisciplinedprepared, focused
Organization70%relaxed, obliviousdetail oriented, anal
Cautiousness26%impulsive, spendthriftrestrained, cautious
Rationality42%irrational, randomdirect, logical
Perfectionism38%careless, error pronedetail obsessed
Planning50%disorganized, randomscheduled, clean
Stability66%easily frustratedcalm, cool, unphased
Happiness66%unhappy, dissatisfiedself content, positive
Calmness78%touchy, volatileeven tempered, tolerant
Moderation50%needs instant gratificationeasily delays gratification
Toughness74%hypersensitive, moodythick skinned
Impulse Control54%lacks self controlmaintains composure
Imperturbability42%highly emotionalemotionally contained
Cool-headedness54%demanding, controllingaccommodating
Tranquility34%emotionally volatileemotionally neutral
Intellect78%instinctive, non-analyticalintellectual, analytical
Ingenuity58%lacks new ideasinnovative, novel
Reflection86%unreflective, coarseart and beauty lover
Competence58%slow to understand/thinkintellectual, brainy
Quickness70%intellectually dependentintellectually independent
Introspection70%not self reflectiveself searching
Creativity62%dull headedsynthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination82%practical, realisticdreamer, unrealistic
Depth74%lacks curiositymental explorer
Locus of Control Test Results

Internal Locus||||||||||||||51%
External Locus||||||||||||49%

In the 60s Psychologist Julian Rotter developed a theory called Locus of Control of Reinforcement. His theory centered around whether someone thinks their life is more influenced by external factors like fate, genetics, luck, environment (external locus of control) OR by internal factors like effort, tenacity, and free will (internal locus of control).Your results suggest you believe your life is defined about equally by both internal forces (drive, free will, etc.) and external forces (genetics, environment, fate).
Thus, you have an Ambiverted Locus of Control

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain||||||||||||||56%
Left Brain||||||||||||||52%
*results won't usually add up to 100% as this test measures each side seperately 

Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.

Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.
Overall you appear to have fairly Equal Hemispheres
-----------------------------------------
According to Darwinian theory, optimal evolution takes place with random variation and selective retention. The evolution savvy individual will try many different approaches when faced with a problem and select the best of those approaches. Many historical intellectuals have confessed their advantage was simply considering/exploring/trying more approaches than others. The left brain dominant type suffers from limited approaches, narrow-mindedness. The right brain dominant type suffers from too many approaches, scatterbrained. To maintain balanced hemispheres, you need to exercise both variability and selection. Just as a company will have more chance of finding a great candidate by increasing their applicant pool, an individual who considers a wider set of options is more likely to make quality decisions.


Freud Inventory Test Results

Oral (dependence)||||||||||||||||66%
Anal (self control)||||||||||||43%
Phallic (sexuality)||||||||||||||||||||86%
Latency (learning)||||||||||||||||63%
Genital (productivity)||||||||||||||53%

Oral: you appear to be overly passive and dependent, wanting things to be given to you instead of working for them.
Anal: you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity, order and chaos, variety and selectivity.
Phallic: you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity.
Latency: you appear to be afraid or averse to present or future real world responsibilities, this will only make your inevitable transition more difficult, so learn to deal with the real world.
Genital: you appear to be somewhere between a progressive/openminded and regressive/closeminded outlook on life.
Freuds theorized that there are 5 stages of psychological development. At the oral stage the main issue is dependency, at the anal stage the main issue is self control, at the phallic stage the main issue is sexual identity, at the latency stage it's skill development, and at the genital stage its creativity and productivity.
Freud theorized that psychological problems are related to problems during one or more of these stages. For example, being too cared for or too neglected causes someone to be orally fixated, too much or too little control causes someone to be anally fixated, insufficient parental role modeling causes phallic fixation.
An orally fixated person is either irrationally dependent (expects what they want to just appear) or irrationally independent (always refuses help).
An anally fixated person is either irrationally self controlled and servile to authority or has no self control and is compulsively defiant of authority.
A phallicly fixated person is either a sexual compulsive (sexually innappropriate/promiscuous) or sexually repressed.
Freud did not classify any latent fixation but I think it is as plausible as those at the other stages. I speculate that people that like to learn and acquire knowledge without any purpose or people that are compulsively non curious represent both dysfunctional ends of the latency spectrum.
The genital stage is the final Freudian developmental stage and according to Freud people don't all succeed at this. Freud believed the ideal for human happiness is to be happy in love and work, problems in one or the other cause unhappiness.


R-Drive Personality Test

The R-Drive Personality system is based on the idea that genetics and environment result in distinct motivation drives that essentially define individual personality. Person A had a very artistic father (and other relatives) and that's a big part of why they are artistic (genetic). Person B had a really bad experience taking risks as a child which caused them to become very cautious (environmental) and/or they come from a very cautious family (genetic).

It is important to note that these motivation drives are influenced by individual subjective perception of rewards. A person because of genetics and/or environment perceives certain behaviors to be rewarding (even if in the long term and/or short term, they may not be). The person with an eating disorder or drinking problem or penchant to package bad mortgages and sell them as good mortgages to retirement fund managers (wiping out people's nest eggs) perceives rewards from their behavior and that is why they continue to engage in it.

What makes you who you are (what careers you may prefer, friends you might get along better with, romantic partners you might be more suited to, positive and negative personal characteristics and life outcomes) is highly influenced by your perceptions of what is rewarding. People with more accurate/correct perceptions of what's actually rewarding (to themselves and others) will be more likely to live happier/healthier lives and have a more positive effect on others.

The purpose of this test is to help make you more aware of what you percieve to be rewarding and hopefully examine whether those things actually do, and whether you want to continue with your current reward profile. Maybe you will realize some of your reward drives are toxic to you, those close to you, and/or the world. Also, this system should help make it easier to understand others.

(results here have been reworked to save space)
Your Results:                        Happiness Trigger:                       Dangerous potential flaw(s):
Narcissism   44%                 Internal Validation                         Failure to contribute
Unconventionality 72%         Being Unconventional                   Discarding values/traditions with value
Empiricism    33%                Being Irrational                              Believing what feels right IS right
Vitality 88%                         Being/Knowing who I am              Over contentedness/ over confidence
Othercentricism  94%           Helping Others                              Being taken advantage of, ignoring self
Independence 22%              Being dependent                            Over Co-dependency
Integrity    61%                    Honesty/ Being Forthcoming          Brutal honesty can make enemies
Intellect    100%                   Intellectual complexity                    Impracticality, possible alienation
Stoicism    61%                    Calmness                                       Egomania
Orderliness  33%                  Measured Chaos                           Disorganization, inconsistent productivity
Dynamism  39%                    Constancy                                     Inflexibility
Activity 66%                         Physical Exercise                           Over training
Romanticism   44%                Nonromantic love                          Fear of authentic intimacy/ commitment
Hedonism  55%                      Being “high”                                  Substance abuse/ addiction

You scored lowest on the Independent reward drive.





MOTIV Personality Test

The MOTIV Personality system is based on the idea that genetics and environment result in five independent
and alterable personality motivations / strategies. Each person's distinct mix on these five motivations results
in an vast number of different personality orientations, as few as 36 if you consider a high/low preference on each,
243 if you consider a high/middle/low preference on each, even more when you consider that some high/low
preferences will be higher/lower than others. 
Your results:
Materialistic52%56%
Offbeat56%60%
Thinking52%58%
Intimate85%61%
Vital80%60%
Perceived reward: 
Being more attractive makes me happy
Being unconventional makes me happy
Being rational makes me happy
Serving others makes me happy
Being alive makes me happy
Dangerous potential flaw(s): 
Elitist, shallow, lacking an internal compass/ethics
Discarding customs/traditions that have value
Ignoring/ignorance-of your gut/instinct/feelings
Being taken advantage of, ignoring self
Over contented-ness, over confidence

*scores in gray are the average scores of other people who have taken this test

Although, you are encouraged to think about the MOTIV system and determine your own type, based on this test, this is where you seem
to be on the five MOTIV spectrums.
Materialistic vs. Subjectivistic
Offbeat vs. Conventional
Thinking vs. Emotional
Intimate vs. Witholding
Vital vs. Depressed
Your MOTIV type is MOTIV
Your MOTIV+ type is mox|I|V
Your Primary type is Intimate
MOTIV+ type notation key
----------------------------------------
Uppercase Letter = Strong motivation
Lowercase Letter = Medium motivation
x = In between, on average; no preference
|?|= Your primary motivation


Verbal Intelligence Test Results

Sir Francis Galton, the cousin of Charles Darwin, first popularized the notion of measurable intelligence in the late 1800s. Charles Spearman later discovered that all mental abilities tend to correlate together when statistically analyzed. He called this G. Modern researchers tend to agree that there are two kinds of intelligence, crystallized intelligence (learned knowledge) and fluid intelligence (abstract processing ability). Verbal tests tend to measure crystallized intelligence more. While fluid intelligence peaks between the ages of 18-21, dropping after that, crystallized intelligence can increase as you get older and does not degrade (usually) until fairly late in life. According to a number of studies, the correlation between vocabulary and general iq is around .8 (a very high correlation).


Congratulations, you obtained a very high score.

Your overall percentile is 80% which means you scored higher than 80% of the people who have taken this test. The internet population tends to be more intelligent so your percentile might be higher if the test taking sample was perfectly random. 


Visual Pattern Fluid Intelligence Test Results

 Most non-verbal intelligence tests measure the fluid intelligence. Some research suggests that fluid intelligence may correlate best to G.

Your overall percentile is 54% which means you scored higher than 54% of the people who have taken this test. The internet population tends to be more intelligent so your percentile might be higher if the test taking sample was perfectly random.
Tests and results courtesy of www.similarminds.com 

4.10.2012

Because I Was Told To


Tears feel funny when they run up your face instead of down.
I never figured myself much of one for begging for instruction but here I am again seeking. 
Bad day today. Stress brings tears with me more often than pain or sadness. So it’s how I find myself kneeling in front of my laptop tonight asking E to tell me something to do, resting my head on the bed in front of my knees while I waited on his answer and contemplating the odd sensation of tears running up my over my eyelids.
I know I haven’t written in a while so it’s here in his instructions that I suppose I should start….Oh where to start…
I don’t want to talk about all my stressors and frustrations right now. Maybe my curiosities and occupations.. yes. That.
My ponderings of late: I keep walking this tightrope I’ve set up on my imaginary line between submissive and slave. Each of us draws our own and I’ve always firmly refused to cross mine. Yet it seems I continue to do so. Or maybe it’s just that my definition of this line has changed or wavered in some way. I’ve blurred it. Am I redefining me or am I redefining the line?
Most of this line of thought was prompted by the demo on connecting E and I went to this past Saturday night. The couple, particularly the slave, kept talking on things that I so identify with. Aspects of service, the reasons and feelings behind that service and such things.  Like the simple joy I feel when tending to E’s coffee. I never even wanted to feel any such thing, but it’s there. And it bothers me when I can’t tend to it and have that joy.  My joy. Mine. Dammit.
Have I mentioned that I hate making beds? HATE… Not his. Why? Because it’s his and I’m doing it for him. I’m still not used to this behavior in me. It’s strange and I don’t really know what to do with it but just go with it. It doesn’t really bother me but it is… well it’s something I’m somewhat in awe of. I’m curious about it and the why and how and what for of it... and the how long. Particularly the how long. 
Looking at myself a year ago I would have been sending someone else to get my coffee… hell. I was. Yet now I not only want this… I need this. It bothers me when I don’t get to do these little things for him… when he doesn’t give me tasks or assign me duties. I feel a little unsettled when I’m not doing something specifically for him.
It’s most difficult when I’m away from him. When part of me still wars against the other. The little spiteful creature whispering “You don’t really have to (fill in the blank). He can’t tell if you do or don’t.” with an answer “But I want to” “why?”   “because… it pleases him” “so?” … and so on and so forth.  My self control sucks. I have this battle with myself over various things. Food. Orgasm. Laundry.  My things. My parents’ things.  Even little things like putting away the kids’ clothes. Some days it’s a total “Do I have to???” well… Most days.
Some would argue “but isn’t everything you do for him and don’t your actions reflect on him?” well yeah. But there’s a huge difference in my brain in doing his dishes and doing my parents’ dishes... in making his bed and making my bed… in enduring for him and enduring without him.
Today enduring without him was a bitch. 
Ok. So now that I got that out and I’m in a better state of mind.. I’m finding that I don’t really have anything more to say. I don’t necessarily feel better but I don’t feel like I can make any more progress here right now.
Until next time…

~Surri