Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your
submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what
is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
Yes, I include service as part of the expectations of my submission.
I haven't really in previous relationships, at least not consciously, but in my
relationship with E it seems to have been a natural development. It bothers me
if he takes his dishes to the sink. It upsets me if he takes mine... I find
that I really enjoy the feeling I get from making his coffee just so and
bringing it to him. I even enjoy cleaning his bathroom... Because it's his.
It's taking care of my Dominant. It's seeing that his life is made easier
because of me. It's part of making him happy... of feeling the way I do when he
obviously appreciates the things I have done for him. Taking care of him, his
surroundings, his belongings, and his needs is where I feel the most HIS. I
feel a bit lost when I'm not able to do something for him. If he is busy and I
can't help it unsettles me to a degree. I want to be doing something for him
consciously whenever possible. I'm still exploring this need and I feel that I
probably will be for a long time as there are so many possible aspects of it.
Right now I'm just doing what feels right most of the time, as E doesn't really
require most of this from me... it just seems to come.
I was rather surprised at this development with us for several
reasons. One of those reasons being that my ex-husband attempted to push me
into a servile mindset more than once and I resisted it strongly. So much so
that it was one of the many reasons I divorced him. It is odd to me that I want
to clean for E and make his bed and wash his clothes and shine his shoes and do
all those little things that I trudge through in any other situation... but
when it's HIS... it's different. It's spreading too. So that as long as I can
keep the mindset that whatever I am doing is for him and I can gain his
pleasure out of whatever my task is, I find an odd joy in it. At least when
nothing else interferes with the mindset.
This... I am still adjusting to.
I don't feel that I've at all answered all there is on this topic, but I feel that, to do it justice, I will return to it at another time. Until then, I'll move on.
~Surri
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