wistful

    so i've spent the day keeping busy. burning off the restless energy of yesterday with cleaning and reorganizing. and now that i have the chance to wind down and do what i want... i find that i can't do anything that comes to mind that i want to do.. because it all involves persons that aren't with me. 
    so i'm sitting here on my bed writing because the poetry won't come tonight. no fuel. a hurried, but productive day tapers off to this..... dissatisfying evening. and it SUCKS. it almost makes me want to start cleaning again just so i can turn my mind to eliminating the specks of dust and grimy little fingerprints that are my enemies.... 
    one good thing about being used to being  alone is just that... i was used to it. and when that changed. when i found these moments when i'm not so alone and i'm actually fully with others not just in the room with them... i find myself at a loss at what to do when i'm not with them. when all the responsibilities of the day are through and the house is quiet... i find myself wanting to sit and talk with those closest to me. or just sit. 
    so instead i'm whining here and wishing i was there and doodling pointless little drawings on the corners of my notebook where i had intended to write something meaningful... oh well. 
    it's not really a melancholy mood. nor a pouty one. more a dreamy sigh. the kind that usually accompanies a chin propped upon a hand and a long unfocused gaze off into the depths of the blank wall....  silly me, i know. but today, or rather tonight, the sky is lavender... with dusky grey clouds and a sprinkling of silver stars.