Truth & Mercy

Let not mercy and truth forsake thee; bind them about thy neck, write them upon the tablet of thine heart. 

So shalt thou find favor and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
Proverbs 3:3-4 21st Century King James Version (KJ21)

This verse was brought to my attention via a post in a group I am a member of on Fetlife. It resonated and so I dwelled there with it for a while and read what others had said about it. One had used it in a collaring ritual with his submissive, another found historical references to relate to the Dominant/submissive dynamic, others saw no connection. I, being the lover of lexis that I am, wanted to first explore the meaning of these two oh so important words that the Bible says I should bear on my neck and my heart. 
mer·cy

 /ˈmərsē/ noun
mercies, plural

1. Compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm

- the boy was screaming and begging for mercy

- the mercies of God

2. An event to be grateful for, esp. because its occurrence prevents something unpleasant or provides relief from suffering

- his death was in a way a mercy

3. (esp. of a journey or mission) Performed out of a desire to relieve suffering; motivated by compassion

- mercy missions to refugees caught up in the fighting 

truth

 /trooTH/ noun
truths, plural

1. The quality or state of being true

- he had to accept the truth of her accusation

2. That which is true or in accordance with fact or reality

- tell me the truth

- she found out the truth about him

3. A fact or belief that is accepted as true

- the emergence of scientific truths

- the fundamental truths about mankind 

Thank you, Google! I love the diction in this scripture. To take these and bind them about my neck and write them upon the document that is my heart means so much. It is one thing to hold things in one’s heart and keep them dear, but with mercy and truth, to make them a part of my heart, not just in it. To not hide them only inside, but to wear them proudly on my neck and let all know that these claim me and that I claim them. Mercy; this is compassion, forgiveness, kindness, understanding, benevolence. Truth; this is fact, honesty, sincerity, genuineness, certainty, uprightness. I am to not only accept them and give them in their entirety. I am to make them a part of who and what I am and how others see me. 

Ironically, E once screen-named himself these two words. Truth and Mercy… So this verse is just made a bit dearer to me.

How is a Submissive Like a Shoe?

No, no. This isn’t one of those “How is a raven like a writing desk?” jokes… But how in the world is a submissive person like a shoe? I’m getting to that.

Disclaimer: My thoughts are my thoughts… you may not agree with them and I in no way want to tell you how you should do things.

One of the things I’ve been doing lately for E, when I get the chance, is caring for his shoes. Cleaning them, polishing them, etc. I don’t get the opportunity often, because I don’t get much time with him, but I’ve been thinking about it and about how I feel while I’m doing it. It’s a bit like the mirrors I mentioned in a previous post. I want to do my best because it’s for him, but also, it’s a bit more…

His shoes are something he uses every day, pretty much all day to protect his feet. With 26 bones, 33 joints, 107 ligaments, 19 muscles and tendons in each foot, the 52 bones in both feet make up about 25% of all the bones in the body and, though the foot has evolved over time, stepping on sharp rocks, broken glass, and stubbing the toes are still pretty unavoidable risks without shoes. The right shoe can prevent or alleviate foot, ankle, knee, hip, and back pains, while the wrong choice can worsen or cause similar pains. Bad or worn out shoes can even cause misalignment in the spine and lead to problems throughout the entire body.  A shoe isn’t just a mirror he glances into on his way by; it’s something that, in its way, defends him.

Are you beginning to see the similarities now? The right submissive can prevent or alleviate pains (troubles, stressors, drama, etc.) and the wrong one can cause or worsen it! Being the right submissive (at least we both feel so at the moment), I should seek to relieve his stresses, soothe him or avoid them altogether. I mention that bad or worn out shoes can even cause misalignment of the spine and lead to problems throughout the body; this is also true of submissive persons. I may not call the shots, but the attitude of my service and the efficiency in which I complete my tasks can very well make or break the entire order of things. Now, I’m not talking about a person that submits for kicks and giggles (though I do that, too sometimes), but a person that lives this way, that feels submission in their core, whether naturally or as a calling. But I, in my way, should defend him as I can by making his life as stress free and well ordered as possible. He, in turn, relieves my stress by taking the weight of decision from me in most cases… among other things. ;)

Shoes also play a factor in the image a person presents. Whether in a corporate, casual, kinky or other setting, the way we look is often the first impression we make. While, shoes may seem a minor part of that image, they have more of an influence than one might think. An unwise choice can make an expensive outfit look cheap and stylish outfit look, well, absurd. And then they make us look, well, cheap or absurd. If the shoes are unkempt, it indicates a lack of care, a rough life, and if they’re not designed for the rough, then that judgment is also a judgment of us. No matter what’s on the inside. We should not be deceived by shoes, just as we shouldn’t be fooled by clothes, but we often are.

In caring for E’s shoes, I care for the image he presents to the world. Those shoes say a lot about this man I love… They’ve obviously been walked in. They’re creased and have a few scuffs and you can tell they’ve been worn and worn often. To me this says “He does.” He does a lot of things and I struggle often to keep up and work my way into his busy life when I can. Even when he’s not going and doing, his mind is still working on something for when he is going and doing. Despite being worn in, the shoes are clean and have a good sheen. They’re well cared for, even when I can’t care for them. And he cares about what he does too. No matter what it is, he puts care and focus into what he’s doing. 

I’ve noticed when this starts slipping, so do the shoes. When he gets caught up in something or another and stops putting that care and focus into his actions, the shoes might stay dusty and unpolished for a while. Now, this may be just my perception due to difficulties we’ve had lately, but it seems to be the case.

My image reflects on him as well. I am his. It is known that I am his. My grooming, my actions, my manners, my habits, my dress and all the things that make up how others view me, these things affect how others view him too.

Shoes can also be confidence boosters. I know how I feel in a favorite pair of heels. Teens whine and beg for the latest pop star’s or sports star’s brand because imitating their favorite star makes them feel “cool” (Do they still use that term?). It’s a brain thing. It just makes you feel good to wear great shoes. Call it a morale booster, a matter of pride, whatever.  Why do you think we pay so much for designer shoes? (ok.. I don’t, but some people do…) I want my Sir to feel good about himself when he’s wearing those shoes. I want my Sir to feel good about himself when he’s wearing me too… hahaha but you get the point.

So yes, in a way, I’m like these shoes. It makes sense for me to care for them, just as I care for myself. Well and with him in mind. 

Exploring My Submission: Journaling Exercise #6

What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

All of the above. There are roots in many places. Part of my submission branches from how I was raised, the way that I was taught to think of myself and of others, the social skills I developed, and expectations that I was brought up learning. Part of it, I feel, is simply natural; it is a basic urge for me as well as a taught one.

E and I do make use of a domestic discipline to a degree, though not in a traditional sense, I don't think. He does use specific 'exercises' to encourage my submission and enforce the rules we have agreed on. My submission to him is a large part of our relationship, I find joy in it and it is the major way I express my love for him. I have problems making decisions so giving him that control is a great stress reliever too. In its way, my submission is also a "sexual thrill". His sexual control over me arouses me like little else.

My submission also has roots in my spiritual beliefs. As a Christian, I am encouraged to "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21 NIV)  and yes, that's an attitude of submission, of respect, of putting the other person before oneself, of giving and expecting nothing, not even acknowledgment, in return.  The Geneva Study Bible says this of this particular verse, " ..the end to which all things ought to be referred, to serve one another for God's sake." That, I feel, sums it up rather nicely.

All these things work together to create the totality of my submission; the different aspects and the varied ways I display it reflect each of them. My submission in Christ was less before I grew in my other submissive origins. My submission to E is better because of my submission in Christ. I am a better daughter and person for embracing both and acknowledging that I need the guidance that being my submissive self provides. One might say my submission has a well developed root system... ;)

To Be Full of Grace

“Grace isn't a little prayer you say before receiving a meal. It’s a way to live.” Wow. That really hit home. I saw this little quote in an image on the side of a blog I recently started reading and it’s been with me for days. I want this on a t-shirt, on a billboard… everywhere. And yet it’s so hard. It’s such a difficult thing to do everything with grace, in grace and through grace. And no, I don’t just mean gracefully with pretty flowing actions. 

So that got me thinking on the definition of grace... and now that I've looked it up for propriety's sake, I'll contemplate it for a while.... after sharing the definition.

grace

noun /grās/  graces, plural 1.      Simple elegance or refinement of movement §  - she moved through the water with effortless grace 2.      Courteous goodwill §  - at least he has the grace to admit his debt to her 3.      An attractively polite manner of behaving §  - she has all the social graces 4.      (in Christian belief) The free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessing  5.      A divinely given talent or blessing §  - the graces of the Holy Spirit 6.      The condition or fact of being favored by someone §  - he fell from grace because of drug use at the Olympics 7.      A period officially allowed for payment of a sum due or for compliance with a law or condition, esp. an extended period granted as a special favor §  - another three days' grace 8.      A short prayer of thanks said before or after a meal §  - before dinner the Reverend Newman said grace 9.      Used as forms of description or address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop §  - His Grace, the Duke of Atholl verb /grās/   graced, past participle; graced, past tense; graces, 3rd person singular present;gracing, present participle 10.  Do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence §  - she bowed out from the sport she has graced for two decades 11.  (of a person or thing) Be an attractive presence in or on; adorn §  - Ms. Pasco has graced the front pages of magazines like Elle and Vogue Synonyms  verb: adorn, decorate, ornament, embellish, deck, bedeck,beautify, honour, honor  noun: favour, favor, charm, elegance, mercy, gracefulness

Yes. All of that. (Thank you, Google.) That is what I strive to be: a person full of grace in all its forms. Sure, you may address me as “Her Grace” if you wish (really,  please don't)... It’s not at all appropriate or fitting for me.... Maybe I should start at the beginning... 

"Simple elegance or refinement of movement"

 This is a personal want more than anything. I've always felt clumsy, klutzy and such. I have scoliosis and one side of my body is lower than the other. I've always struggled not to limp, not to show that and let my shoulder sag, though I'm sure the difference is minor and not very noticeable to others. I've always admired a dancer's grace, but have never really been a dancer. I took ballet for a year, tap for a year, and have researched and played at other dances on my own, but I wouldn't call myself a dancer by a long shot. 

 "Courteous goodwill"

 If only we all could attempt every action with this. Courtesy, the showing of politeness in one's attitude and behavior toward others, seems to be an often forgotten thing in the modern world. And "Goodwill"? Isn't that a charity or something? Certainly not a friendly, helpful, or cooperative attitude. This one aspect of grace, I feel is a very important one for a submissive person. The attitude behind the actions can sometimes make all the difference.

"An attractively polite manner of behaving"

 Oooooh. But sometimes I just want to be rude! I speak before I think. I interrupt. I slouch; I slump. I'm loud. I state my opinion when it isn't requested. I give attitude to those to which I should give respect... notably E. I act in selfishness and petty anger. Yes, I'm human, but none of these things fall into the category of "attractively polite". 

"(in Christian belief) The free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessing"

 Yes. I'm a Christian. An odd breed of Christian to be sure, especially in the Bible Belt, but I'm not here to talk about that. If you want to ask me how I manage that, do so and I'll answer in another post. 

"A divinely given talent or blessing"

We all have our special gifts. Some of us have more than others. Some of us have more intense gifts than others. I feel I'm one of those that may have many 'gifts' but at a low intensity. Hah. I suppose a person's gift is really only truly evident to those that receive it. 

"The condition or fact of being favored by someone"

 I always want to be in my Sir's good graces.... but that's not going to happen. I want to be in everyone's good graces.. lol That's really not going to happen. But I seek this. Constantly. Consciously or subconsciously, I seek it. I have found myself seeking the favor of persons I don't even like... This can be a bad thing at times and I have to reign it in because I have to accept that I can't always make everyone happy, but I want to, and that attitude is one I don't want to lose. I don't want to become one of those people that doesn't care if the ones they are surrounded by are content or not.

"A period officially allowed for payment of a sum due or for compliance with a law or condition, esp. an extended period granted as a special favor"

 I know this one may not seem like it applies, but, in its way, it does. We all have these deadlines we set for ourselves and others. When to pay the bills, to get the laundry done, for so-and-so to pay back that debt, for your neighbor to return your weed eater that he borrowed... so on and so forth. I sometimes give myself too many grace periods, but I want to always allow others at least one period of grace and not jump straight to indignant anger. This can be oh so hard to do!!! It tells a lot about the person you're dealing with though. Too many and you can be taken advantage of, too few and you're unfriendly. Though I may really need that whateveritis back like yesterday... I'm going to try to give what'shername another chance to bring it to me tomorrow and have a good attitude about it while I'm at it. (Note to self: be more cautious about loaning what'shername your things...)

" A short prayer of thanks said before or after a meal"

 Yes, I pray too. But in this case, full of grace, to me would be to be full of thanks and to say that thanks, not just think it. 

"Used as forms of description or address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop"

 See above. These people were addressed this way for a reason: The height of society, they sometimes set bar the social graces....supposedly. 

"Do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence"

I shall grace you with my presence.. Hahahahahaha. ok maybe not, but I do wish to do honor and credit to others while I am with them, most importantly my Sir, who occasionally graces me with his presence... *snickers* 

"(of a person or thing) Be an attractive presence in or on; adorn"

I suppose for this one, I wish to grace my Sir. Yep. I want to be an attractive presence in AND on him. Hehe. In all seriousness, though. I do want to make him proud of me and, I suppose one could say, grace his feet, for sitting at his feet is where I am my happiest.

Aaaaaaaand I've rambled on waaaaaay too long for anyone that reads this, but maybe someone got something out of it other than me from writing it. 

 Until next time!

 ~E's Surri.

P.S.: The blog where I saw the image: http://the50sdish.blogspot.com/ . And it's a good read too!