Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
When I have an opinion, I state it. Otherwise, I’ve always had difficulty making decisions. I prefer for the choices to be made for me, if I have an issue with the choice that is made, then I will make it known… Right now, not always in the most respectful manner, but I’m getting better with that.
E and I have both noted that communication seems to just come so easily with us. It’s easy for me to be utterly me with him and I would hope the same is true of him with me. It’s easier for me to let him know what I want and need but so often I don’t need to… So very often it’s instinctive.
So, communication, for us, isn’t always verbal, or if it is, it isn’t always lingual, but it seems to get the point across wonderfully. Without it, we wouldn’t be what we are.
How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
It varies. There are some that I seek out to talk to when I need another point of view. I love Fetlife for its connectedness and its interest groups. I am a member of a couple of ‘kink’ groups in my area, if that’s what you want to call them. But I rarely get to attend events thanks to my family and my ‘nilla obligations.
I’m not a super social person, and that follows through with my submission. I’m a homebody, I tend to want to stay at home and have others come to me… That being said, I have no qualms about having a damn good dinner or other form of get together at what I consider my home (where E lives.. where I live right now is just a house, not my home, but that’s another post) but I’m infinitely more comfortable in familiar surroundings with familiar expectations than I am going somewhere where I don’t know where anything is, have to ask what’s where and what I can or can’t use, and all that… with people I don’t know and well… I’m much more comfortable at home. Lol
I stick closer to my “happy place” at E’s knee when I’m not comfortable with my surroundings. Granted, I’m there whenever I can be anyway, but it’s more needed rather than wanted when I am not at ease. The first time I went to an event for The Red Chair, I had a panic attack in the car before going in. I’d fought it the entire way there, and when I put the car in park I just broke down. I wasn’t with E then in any form… I don’t remember if I’d even met him at that point, but I had some other friends that were supposed to be there a few minutes later. If it hadn’t been for them and my Xanax I would never have made it out of my car that night.
I’m very grateful that I did, as I love my TRC family, even if I don’t get to see them very often, but I’m still stepping outside of my comfort zone with every event I attend. It’s a process and it’s getting better, but, suffice it to say, my submission is vaguely socially connected when it can be.
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